Wednesday, February 25, 2009


I wonder if Jesus ever gets bored by watching us?

Saturday, February 21, 2009

watching Aslan

it was a long and dark winter,
the wind was knifen bitter,
from the platform i remember
there was snow...down below

and i walked the zoo, nearly alone,
but haunted and hunted by something,
a presence, descending...never ending,
mingled with my shadow,
it leaned into me, through the cutting rain,
and i was awakened,
perception re-emerged,
though veiled thoughts,
at the zoo.

where the lost roomates of Eden,
trapped and transported,
in cages of wire, glass, steel and concrete,
look at us with forlorn eyes...weeping.

and there was a lion

and he stared at me a long, long time,
eye to eye for long-longing minutes,
as if his DNA was awakening to an instinctual dream,
dormant and dead,
but suddenly whispering.

and through his eyes he asked me
"son of adam,
are you here to set me free?
and if so we can run together,
and wrestle,
and laugh as we used to,
as we are supposed to,
before the apple fell,
from those crimson lips."

and he just stared at me, through me

so i answered out loud

"no...i have not come to set you free,
oh son of Aslan, i wish i could,
but i don't know how."

so he looked away, and never met my eyes again,
and the memory faded from his mind.

and creation seemed to groan,
the aches of her ancient heart,
and her lost glory.

and i walked away.

back into the zoo,
I live in,

full of steel, concrete, glass, and string,
back to pacing my own cages,
wondering when i'll be set free,
of the traps around me,
and handicaps inside me,
we are brothers...lost to one another in this time and place.

not just the animals,
but we ourselves.

I walked by the university of bearcats,
and we all passed each other in the streets, doorways.

I wondered for a second if i asked a stranger if i could...
groom them, like the monkeys do...
or run with them, like the wolves...
or play with them and the polar bear cubs...
or wipe away the tear i saw in that one lost little college girl with the yellow hat and brown gloves,
or bring sanity back to the shouting man outside the gyro shop,
or hope to the single mom screaming at her child,
or strength to the old man who asked for a quarter...and the dignity which long ago left his eyes.

but no

we keep ourselves behind our cages,
lest we be devoured,
lest we come to life...and live different.

and i drove back to the convent,
back where,
sacred time and sacred space converge,
where angels drip with water and icicles from the bell towers of saint elizabeth,
where i am no longer least for a spell of days

and i long for heaven,
as aslan's son yearns for the plains of Africa,

displaced time,
what a strange way to evolve?
it's as if,
we were instead,
trapped and caged,
by our own folly.

oh God
set us free!

Friday, February 20, 2009

being and meaning

to be or not to be...that IS the question...

but how do we stop runing so fast and stop to drink in creation and our creator?
how do we enter solitude and silence?

i am cheating!

I am at a vineyard church retreat center that has an old church [lizzy]; an old convent [sister act]; an artist studio; a cafe; and some intentional [communal] communities living near by.

at least 2 times a year i need to stop completely. I need to end my swirling thoughts, exhausted pace, heart anxieties...and stop to be still and silent for a while. To touch the snow, to watch the birds, to eat slowly, to pray for wandering hours at an end, and to walk around and then rest in the strong arms of God's nearness.

It's a chance to give him BIG time, and to have some BIG conversations. To explore avenues of heart, habits, thoughts, choices, attitudes, relationships, ministry, family, love-loss-mystery-and majesty.

i'll share some of this as i go. But today was mostly just winding down. Forcing myself to stop thinking...stop fretting...stop planning...stop everything.

and let REST do her work. peeling my hands off of the world. "de-pimping and re-monking." stopping the worlds ways and going into seclusion to find Gods ways again.

fresh as crisp snow
warm as sunlight
mysterious as fog
warming as the fireplace
near as my own breathing
slow as the dawn emerging
still as 2am
playful as imagination
wise as the great oak tree who has seen so much
holy as the battered church that still smiles over this rugged neighborhood
inviting as the laughter downstairs
saturating as my morning shower
filling as my hot warm meal
observant as a poet
seductive as the Spirit
hushed as a mothers lulabye
protected as a fathers arms
twinkiling as stardust
purposeful as angels on mission

as i sleep away from the world, i am awakening to the other world...the REAL world. And as this place fades into mist, the next place supplants my roots in heaven. an i am upside down i am supposed to be. With my roots in heaven, growing fruit to give to my earth.

but pulling the roots out of earth takes some time...and that is what this time means.

for only when we find our true meaning...can we start being...who we truly are.


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