Tuesday, August 26, 2008


I dated my wife Amy for 7 years [she was 14 when we started!]
we have been married for 19 years
and 364 days

wed it will be 20 years of marriage
27 years of relationship

with that in mind i thought i would give some of you singles a few things to mull over at the 20 year point.

  1. attraction is VASTLY over-rated. 3 things are real. 1 we all make-love in the dark! 2 making love is an act of intimacy with the whole of a person. 3 getting wrinkled, gray, and fat is a wonderful sign that vogue magazine and GQ are no longer your slave-masters.
  2. having a mutual MISSION is more important in terms of compatability than you can imagine. Enjoying the same music, tv shows etc will seem crazy when you are up to your ears in diapers. But having the same mission in life will keep you drawn together.
  3. FEELINGS are the product of actions and attitude. Feeling like you are in or out of love is funny to married people. We see each other sitting on the can...we do things that drive each other nuts...our emotions are all over the map. Covenant and committment are driven by a choice of attitude and a set of consistant actions. Feelings will follow.
  4. ROMANCE matters and people want to feel pursued. BUT, learning to trust and feel comfortable with each other is really, really nice and losing the competative nature of neurotic pusuit is one of the great things about staying married. ENTITLEMENT attitudes suck...but so does Conditional love.
  5. You will fret and fight over MONEY, SEX, and Child-rearing more than you think. Have a good plan for handling these things. and understand you are not alone, each decade will have new challenges which can be met with good communication, regular couselling, and a lot of faith.
  6. The ability to give GRACE and COMPASSION for your spouses weaknesses and immaturity cannot be over-exaggerated.
  7. This won't sound hip, in fact it will be VERY old fashioned. But men thrive and grow in ADMIRATON and RESPECT and women love to have true INTIMACY and nourturing PROTECTION.
  8. He will never be JERRY McGuire, and she will never be ANGELINA Pitt. Get over it.
  9. Having a sense of HUMOR and an ability to laugh at yourself and roll-with-it will get you through the hard times far more than skill, reason, etc.
  10. Your spouse is the most dangerous person in the world, and the safest. Nobody will ever have the keys to your heart that they will. Marry somebody that is TRUSTWORTHY.
  11. PS: Girls...try not to marry a boy...guys, frigin put down the PS3 controllers and grow up!
below is a book to look at. Not perfect but some good advice.

The Twenty Something Manifesto: Quarter-Lifers Speak out about Who They are, What They Want, and How to Get IT (New World Library), is out NOW! This book for women and men delves deeper into the issues of Expectation HangoversTM and the life skills needed to create the life you want! The book's format includes stories & guidance queries from twenty-something's, followed by commentary by Christine; Life Coach and quarter-life crisis expert. Order your copy today! Be sure to visit the 20 Something Manifesto WEBSITEThe Manifesto survey continues! Please take 5 minutes to share your twenty-something experience and become part of Christine's mission of "Transforming the Twenty-Something Experience!" CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE SURVEY



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