Monday, March 10, 2008

Letter to Boston #1

Ah, little sister [if you will allow me that] things are pretty much on target with my prayers [if you will allow me such things]. For prayer is to me that great mystery of information, intuition, hope, love, frailty and fear.

And so I saw you as Che swimming across a great river to the other side. And I was on the far shore full of fear and wonder…and envy. I have watched from the shoreline of prayer for 3 long years now. And I wondered if you would ever come back. And that odd still-small voice said that even this and mostly this was in the cards of fate, destiny, and providence. And the voice asked me to pray, which seems weird to me, and yet it makes me both your invisible companion and God’s prophet in some dissonant and awkward way. For God, in my grand delusions of him, uses both silence and alienation in ways I can’t imagine…but have experienced too often to ignore. I have known where you are at for a long time now [freaky, it sounds like spiritual stalking!] and am surprised by none of your perceptions. The well-travelled soul must have its passport full of different destinations if ever it is to walk with integrity and true wisdom. Truth and truths are strange companions that have their own personalities and mood swings. My own travels have been akin to some of yours, and while I have fond memories of all of them, what they mean now is not what they meant then. And not what they will probably mean next. In fact I have grown oddly comfortable with meaning being a fluid substance, while maintaining an emotive bridge to that great ineffable essence I call Jesus. Thus, while facts and questions used to battle each other on that bridge; now I merely smile at their scuffles like I do kids wrestling in a playground.

Yet already, my words have that odd condescending tone in them. That lite but clear edge of smugness so ugly in Christians. As if we knew something the other person did not. As if our alleged perception of the fourth dimension were solid and true, and not smoke and mirrors and hope with fog. God warned all of us that we see through a mirror darkly. And I do. So what exactly does a pastor say to such things? Ah, now this is a gutty mystery. There are options to be sure, sly manipulations, vague attempts at guilt, even compelling arguments…but they are so frail and afraid in the presence of both you and I. For something they never warned me about was the fact that being a pastor would end up being a lifelong connection even if it is ignored by the other side.

And yet Che did cross back, and rode on…and many more turns and revolutions of the heart, and mind, and spirit were coming. Even his death, a martyr for the poor at the hands of those Christian capitalists. My bloody American hands bother me again for a brief moment [more crusades damn]. And you have many more turns coming, as do I. For epiphany, awakening, and enlightenment are less seekers than kidnappers and I have been attacked by them with a steady consistency through the years. As John Donne said “batter [rape] my heart 3 person God.” And my Helsinki syndrome is still wonderful in his presence and captivity.

And so I enter fully into my own mysteries. Someplace between faith and the odd one-ness of humanity. And over the last 3 years I have prayed over you with tears and hope in more ways than you will ever realize…perhaps. And in or out of faith that is a good thing…even if I only pushed the karma in your favor a tad. I wonder how that makes you feel, or if you even believe it. Once in prayer your hands slipped through mine while you were dangling over a cliff with a valley of fog below. I awoke in a panic, but he said ‘I know what I’m doing.’ You know the delusion is complete when it comes to dominate ever your subconscious!

So where is this moment going? [He pauses and melts into that other place checking both his motivations and intuition for signposts and light…there are precious few]. I suppose what I would like, if you want to, is to reopen our companionship on some level in this brave new world [pun intended] of Sims cyberspace. [she looks at the page, with mixed emotions…wondering if her doubt is the only thing he is really interested in] Would you be open to having a dialogue around these things? I can promise my motivation is love, in an extension of that odd agape concept; and I would be willing to commit to being transparent and honest. After all if you are ‘on to something’ it would be fun for us to exchange it. Regardless, I am ever your friend…no matter what you believe and do…for the rest of your life.

Captivated by spiritual audacity and metaphysical grandeur




blogger templates | Make Money Online