Tuesday, June 5, 2007

last post today...fetish

I am a quirky person, my wife says, and I verge on Obssesive Compulsive on a few things. These are the things my wife mocks me about in a regular fashion. Please join her in this, as it is one of her favorite hobbies:

  1. I garbage-picked most of our furniture, stripped it, painted it...I believe everything you need is on the side of the road...sooner or later
  2. My uniform: jeans and a black shirt. I wear this 5 out of 7 days a week. Thus I have 20 blk shirts and 7 pairs of jeans.
  3. Everything silver is cool: My laptop, i-pod case, cellphone, booklight...any and every gizmo out there that is silver...I buy. It's just so clean and smooth...
  4. I wear shorts and a sweater on cold days. My wife insists this is insane...I call it my San-Francisco style, and yes the sweaters are all black
  5. I talk loudy when I pray...so I go to the woods and try to avoid people so I won't be arrested and put in a padded room. The workers at the Botanical gardens here have found this very amuzing
  6. Things have thier place...and they should be cleaned and put in thier place. The fact that my tools have outline guides and labels in the garage is not a sickness. It is a well balanced system that makes it easy to find things. And the fact that I twitch when things are not in thier place is other peoples fault and not a dysfunction.
  7. Going outside with a pair of scissors at 3 in the morning because you see a blade of grass that was missed by the weed-whacker earlier in the day...is normal masculine castle-care
  8. Washing the car in the rain is a matter of discipline...the car should be washed weekly on saturday rain or shine
  9. If I were on a deserted island...my label maker would still be my best friend
  10. Everyone should be reading 5 books at a time and polish off a book a week...right?!
  11. Everyone polishes thier shoes every 3 weeks
  12. The laces in your shoes should be put in straight, if they are twisted by the sales person, take them out...make sure the length is correct and carefully put them back in straight. Pray for the sales person. And if the laces are dirty...take them out and bleach them.
  13. Making several excel spreadsheets a day is the sign of an organized mind...the fact that they are color coded with note attachments is a creative managerial flourish...not the sign of somone with an obssive nature of anal detail freakishness [as my spouse has implied from time to time...i have an excel spreadsheet with those times and dates on it that I am saving for our next counselling appointment]
  14. Everyone vacuums the house daily and cannot sleep till the dishes are clean AND put away
  15. All the books being pulled to the front of the bookcase shelf edge is a reasonable approach to not having to dust the edges of the shelves. They should all be even with the edge of the shelf and moving them back is akin to poking a badger with a stick
  16. Things in your closet should be in sections and all the empty hangers kept in one area on the far right of the closet rod. This is obvious! All of western civilization hinges on the upkeep of these sort of primal worldview disciplines. Ignoring this is why Rome fell!
  17. Countng ceiling tiles while out to dinner in order to calculate the size of the room and fire-code is acceptable small talk and chit-chat.
  18. People who left the ice-cube tray empty should be woken up and forced to go downstairs immediately and fill the trays...why is this even questioned?

I guess that's enough for now [i have more on a spreadsheet but don't want to overwhelm you]

and

Pray for Amy!

Having just re-read this, I am crazy and she has all the right in the world to call me "The most high maintenance man in the universe."

8 comments:

amy s said...

#16----...and all hangers should make a question mark, tops arranged from lightest to darkest, (subset) short sleeve to the longest, (subset AGAIN) and sweaters go last. Pants are hung with the waist band "behind" the hanger and arranged from darkest to lightest, jeans come last.

#5---good thing i dont pray out loud....and I'm dead serious, I dont.

#13--- my work life is organized and color coded for each customer of mine based on status...

#14---- i have bereber and you cant see the vaccume prints, but i still vaccume up-down-diagonally...IN ALL DIRECTIONS!!!

#15---- you're on to something here...working smart, not hard. less dusting is a good thing. i should try that!!!

#19---- tp should ONLY roll to the front, NEVER to the back.
i confess, i switch it when at friends' houses--LOL

#20--- bathtub is scrubbed DAILY, and sometimes multiple times. How can you clean yoursefl ina dirty shower?


thank you for offering your OCD secrets. you're not alone!!!

david sherwood said...

a friend!!!

the lady "queen of clean" is my diva I love her secrets on how to clean and organize things.

we have a store here "The container store" I used to work there during slow times at the church [december] and spent my whole check on organizational gizmo's

and I switch tp as well

ds

amy s said...

amen to that!! I'd feel really guilty if i had to switch the pastors TP---LMAO!!

btw, where can i find the "queen of clean"?

david sherwood said...

http://www.queenofclean.com/

here is her website

amy s said...

oh my word! i love her already! she uses baking soda to clean about everything!!! thanks for the referral :)

Anonymous said...

I do believe there is a place where you both can get the help you need. Made for entertaining reading none the less! Glenn

david sherwood said...

ok, here's one of the best I got from her.

Microwave ovens get dirty and disgusting with food stuff baked unto the sides.

Forget scrubbing. Just boil water in the micrwave for about 10 minutes and the steam will loosen everything and you just have to wipe it out.

amy s said...

...you can also nuke water in there for a couple minutes adn it does the same thing---- you see, we Capricorns have the out of the box creativity.....

my fav baking soda one---- i use it as a whitener on my teeth before i brush everyday. lemme tell you, IT WORKS! the key is to use hot water so it makes a creamier paste and softens the bristles more----

 

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