Tuesday, June 19, 2007


My leadership style has a lot of transparency in it. With that in mind, some people have asked how I'm doing. Which is a great question with a lot of answers. I will attempt to answer it.

  • Excitement about starting a whole new life, reinvent myself in some ways, make new friends, etc.

  • Grief over leaving a decade of ministry, friends, and churches here.

  • Relief over getting the house ready to sell, packed, and knowing exactly where God wants me to be.

  • Fear of failure.

  • Passion about using my gifts, being a missionary in Ashland, and loving and leading the church.

  • Anxiety over the house selling and my family's transition.

  • Wonder and worship.

These emotions blend and blur, fade and resurface because of choices I have to make in my mind and heart a thousand times in any given day. There are moments and hours of keen worship and connection to the spirit; and there are moments of keen spiritual opposition and the gnattering accusations and dark whispers of the evil one.

This is life. This is normal. This is Christianity and its experience. I used to try hard to avoid some emotions, but this was exhausting and usually a failure. Now I try to sit with my various emotions and let each of them bring me thier gift. Some gifts are fine in small dosses [grieving] because it forces me to pray and connect to the Spirit. Some gifts are just great, and when "peace like a river" floods over me I try to saturate my heart roots in it, so I am soaked in it for the times that are coming when I'll be dry again.

I'm a pretty holistic guy. By guys do have compartments. So the three compartments I am try to see maturity in are mind, emotions, and will.

  • Getting my mind aligned with God

  • Allowing the Spirit to steer my emotions

  • Allowing God to pull the trigger on decisions of action

I'm not normally an emotional roller-coaster...or at least not as much as I used to be. But the events in front of me will be a rollercoaster. I know this. Thus I can either choose to hate it and cringe at every turn...or...embrace it as part of the thrill of life and something to experience fully.

I firmly believe a great day should have these 7 components in it, and I aim at this every day

  1. My mind needs to be challenged by Gods word to understand and enjoy and obey Him more.

  2. My heart needs to give and recieve love from God, others, and even myself.

  3. My body needs to be stretched and tested, pushed and strengthened.

  4. If possible a good day should always end with grass-stains on the knees. In a pinch do at least one sommersault outside.

  5. An unchurched person should be touched by God in a significant way.

  6. Cry hard at least once, preferably in prayer for someone else.

  7. Laugh hard and fully with deep joy from God.


Anonymous said...

To be challenged by God everyday is a hard one.

But that is not the hardest. Hardest is to recieve love from God others and myself. Through the journey I have been on in the past 6 months have been the hardest journey of my life with God. I do not love me and it is hard for me to accept love from others and afraid to say it but sometimes even the love from God.

I know my heart is healing from the abuse from the past and God is leading down the road that has a light at the end, but until I let others love me I feel stuck where I am at right now. Thanks for writing what you did it has made me think more about Who God is and Who I am in God

david sherwood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
david sherwood said...

it's funny, when I am struggling with these feelings I listen to a great song from Sting called "fortress around your heart" nd it reminds me that God is always trying to scale my barricades, cut through my barbed wire, and crash into my life with His love.

Somebody told me something once that always haunts me as well. They said "God is not surprised by your sin" They weren't endorsing sin, just reminding me that forgivness is a normal part of the christian walk "if we confess our sins, He is faithfull and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrightness."

Even when I cannot get past my mosaic of emotional problems, he can, and does. I'm glad he doesn't give up on me, I am tempted to at times, but he isn't.

Anonymous said...

Thanks you for that song. I just got done listening to it. I can't help but wonder how deep and wide are my walls that i have created that keep God out sometimes. I agree with that Go does not give up on us but as well I sometimes tempted to give up too, but I have come so far with the strength of God with me. If I wanted to give up I would of given up a long time ago.

Thanks commented on my first post.

God's child said...

Thanks for the song I jsut got done listening to it. I have made so many walls in my life that it is blockng God's love out. I am a child of God and following him one step at a time but lately I have been a little lost. He has been showing me the walls I have created to keep me safe and still not wonting to take those walls . I know God's strength is what keeps me going. I sometimes want to give up too but if I wanted to give up I would of doneit a long time ago. Through God's strength I can get through anything Thanks commenting on my first post


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