Thursday, May 10, 2007

a hard night

It's a hard night to blog. But I am committed to transparency and so I will blog. Upon further review, after looking over the day in slow motion. It's just been a bad day across the board.

in it:

  • I failed to understand how to handle someone today and didn't understand it till late in the evening. Ultimately, I failed them because I was in the flesh and not spiritual. I wanted to win instead of wanting them to win.
  • One of my best friends is stepping down from leadership at a church and is just really mangled right now. And his reasons are good reasons, that some just don't understand.
  • I let my anxiety about selling the house and other things turn into anger that I let slip out a few times.
  • And someone I barely know is in pain and I don't know how to help them

That's enough for now. I could list more, but there's no point.

So what do we do when this happens? All I can do is tell you what I do.

  • I reflect and ask God to show me "if there is any crooked way in me." And he shows me.
  • I confess with tears and as much emotional and intellectual honesty as I can withstand.
  • I embrace grace, forgiveness, restoration and hope.
  • I let go of judgment, vows, bitter-roots, and the temptation to guard my heart or sear my conscience.
  • I think through what I must do to make things right or better.
  • I agree that we all take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back as we plod along in becoming better followers of Jesus.
  • I take comfort in that fact that Jesus was "a man of sorrows."
  • I deny myself, pick up my cross, and move forward.

I wonder what you do? Believe me, you can tell more about a person from how they face adversity and pain than any other single thing.

so if you failed at something today, here is a prayer:

"God we come before you like Nehemiah did, full of blunt confession and true heart humility. Our tears are real, but not as real as your grace. Your great love opens up and swallows all of our pain and mistakes at the cross. That you loved us while we were yet sinners is amazing enough, but that you still love us after we fail for the 70 times 70th time is just amazing. We are not worthy of it, and never will be. And tonight Father I pray for all our failures. Knowing that you will reach down and make us white as snow again. It is so hard to accept being made pure again by you, and yet it is also everything we dream for. We dare not be flippant with your grace and love; nore shy and rejecting. Help us to fully embrace the blinding heart and soul adrenaline of your grace. Help it to go into every wounded and dark place of our hearts and minds and fill us with light, fire, and healing. Root out all the footholds of the enemy, and battle within us for your Lordship of our hearts. We believe, help us in our unbelief. We hope, help us in our hopelessness. We start again, help us in our stuckness. Because that's what you do and that's who you are. That is why you are called Saviour."


sergio_101 said...

that's the beauty of being a fence sitter..

i can be human.. and not feel bad about it..

no one is perfect.. because there is no standard for perfection..

even if you do the right thing all the time.. half (if not more) of people will be pissed...


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